1989 Devotees More Dear To Me Than My Life

Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to Your Divine Grace, and all glories to your International Society for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

Vyāsa-pūjā is a unique opportunity for your followers to glorify you in countless ways. As crystal splits light into different colors, so do you, through your unlimited grace, reveal the multifaceted elements of Kṛṣṇa consciousness that form the eternal activities of bhakti.

According to your individual relationship with each devotee, you reveal yourself to them, and they reveal you to the world. The collective essence of such revelation is our vision of who is “Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

Today I would like to relish one of the limbs of devotional service through which you have revealed yourself to me. It is your gift, and you are its personification.

In the Nectar of Instruction you state, “The International Society for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness has been established to facilitate these six kinds of loving exchanges between devotees… The life of the Kṛṣṇa Consciousness Society is nourished by these six types of loving exchange among the members.” It is this association of devotees that I would like to eulogize.

hari haraye namaḥ kṛṣṇa yādavāya namaḥ
yādavāya mādhavāya keśavāya namaḥ
gopāla govinda rāma śrī-madhusūdana
giridhārī gopīnātha madana-mohana

”O Lord Hari, O Lord Kṛṣṇa, I offer my obeisance to You, who are known as Yādava, Hari, Mādhava, and Keśava. O Gopāla, Govinda, Rāma, Śrī Madhusūdana, Giridhārī, Gopīnātha, Madana-mohana!”

The past seems far away, but there was such a time as ”before.” Before I came to Kṛṣṇa consciousness, I, like so many flounders, was struggling in the ocean of material existence, tossed by the waves of happiness and distress. I was told I was a “social anima.” Thus in trying to establish my identity, it was imperative that I exchange with the cohabiters of my environment.

But I couldn’t.

Although I had many acquaintances, I didn’t know anyone. True, we shared many desires and sins, but relationships seemed to last as long as common anarthas; it was a business, give and take. I had no real friends. Well, maybe just a few. There was a little green turtle (whose name was Sulli), a budgie, and a crocodile. The turtle disappeared in the backyard, and the budgie died of old age. The crocodile got restless one hot summer afternoon and was last reported hunting in the sewers of Montreal. That left me with Angus – a German Shepherd dog – and my wife. Unfortunately, I had equal difficulty communicating with both. It became apparent that neither humans nor animals would be able to fulfill my real need for loving relationships. Generally, all exchange boiled down to sex, money, and politics. Within, I was hankering for some tangible communication. Externally, I was becoming increasingly bitter.

Somehow I came across the holy name of the Lord, and its constant vibration became my only solace. Although my relationship with the holy name was tangible, I very much hankered for some personified means of Kṛṣṇa consciousness which would assist me in my search for the ultimate reality.

śrī-caitanya nityānanda śrī-advaita sītā
hari guru vaiṣṇava bhāgavata gītā

”All glories to Śrī Caitanya and Nityānanda. All glories to Śrī Advaita Ācārya and His consort, Śrī Sītā Ṭhākurāṇī. All glories to Lord Hari, the spiritual master, the Vaiṣṇavas, the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam and Śrīmad Bhāgavad-gītā.”

Then in 1972 I began visiting the Montreal temple. It was a converted bowling alley on the third floor, just above Pine’s Pizza. It took about four visits for me to notice the altar, and another few to see the figures who were there. Even when I did see Lord Jagannātha, Lord Balarāma, and Lady Subhadrā, I had difficulty understanding just who they were.

Gokulānanda Prabhu was the first devotee I met (besides the one who took all my money on Park Avenue for some BTG’s). He explained to me the ABC’s of Kṛṣṇa conscious philosophy. He encouraged me to take prasādam and would always eat while speaking. He was humble. I had never met anyone who was humble before, and it struck me. Sometimes he even offered obeisance to me, even though I was just a “karmī.” Candra told me I was crazy if I could not remember the date. And someone told me I was in māyā for washing my hands with warm water. On the whole I felt drawn to the selfless attitude and spiritual exchanges of devotees.

One Sunday I was told the devotees were going to New York to meet you. I was a fool; I left after the feast. Next Sunday I heard about the visit. Then I became aware of you.

It took some preaching, but soon I found myself singing in maṅgala-ārati: vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam. The realization came in quite a dramatic way that May of 1973: “such a spiritual master” was “here,” and I rediscovered you, my eternal guru, by the mercy of the Vaiṣṇavas and Kṛṣṇa. I chanted again and again: vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam. “I offer my respectful obeisance unto the lotus feet of such a spiritual master.”

By your mercy I received the Holy name. By your mercy I came in contact with devotees. Now by your mercy I am reading Bhagavad-gītā and Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, and a whole new understanding is being revealed to me by your grace.

śrī-rūpa sanātana bhaṭṭa-raghunāth
śrī-jīva gopāla-bhaṭṭa dāsa-raghunāth
ei chay gosāir kori caraṇa vandan
jāhā hoite bighna-nāś abhīṣṭa-pūraṇ

”All glories to Śrī Rūpa Gosvāmī, Sanātana Gosvāmī, Raghunātha Bhaṭṭa Gosvāmī, Śrī Jīva Gosvāmī, Gopāla Bhaṭṭa Gosvāmī and Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī. I offer my obeisance to the feet of these Six Gosvāmīs. By my offering them my obeisance, all obstacles to devotion are destroyed and all spiritual desires are fulfilled.”

We are not a personality cult. Accepting you means to accept the disciplic succession and the conclusion of the disciplic succession.

evaṁ paramparā-prāptam
imaṁ rājarṣayo viduḥ
sa kāleneha mahatā
yogo naṣṭaḥ parantapa

“This supreme science was thus received through the chain of disciplic succession, and the saintly kings understood it in that way. But in course of time the succession was broken, and therefore the science as it is appears to be lost.”

You, Śrīla Prabhupāda; Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura; Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura; Gaurakiśora dāsa Bābāji; the Six Gosvāmīs; Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu… I find that I have become a member of a family lineage that originates with Lord Kṛṣṇa Himself. It is a new life, new friends, new father, and new family, and it is all real, not a product of māyā. What I was seeking, I have found. A real society, not for cultured animals but for humans. And within that society is the means for attaining the ultimate perfection of the human form.

At this point, Śrīla Prabhupāda, I would like to take your permission to describe and glorify some of the devotees who have been instrumental in my spiritual life. Although it is stated that one should not glorify others before the spiritual master, glorification of the Vaiṣṇavas is glorification of you, as they are all your representatives. It is by their association that I am tasting your instructions in devotional service. By remembering them, I am remembering you.

There was Viśvakarma, who reeled me in from the material world. He saved me from material life and also convinced me to leave my wife.

Uttama-śloka talked to me in a very kind and personal way. That was new, since everyone else who talked to me wanted something, while he just wanted to help me.

Śukra was my first obstacle in relationships in the temple. To overcome it, we became friends.

Śrīpati gave me responsibility and depended on me. He inspired me: “ISKCON is in its pioneering days; become a pioneer and open a new frontier in the history of the world.”

Jagadīśa upstaged my established plans. I had just finished cutting a hole in the roof and constructing a greenhouse for Tulasī-devī when he sent me to Winnipeg, with all my belongings in a garbage bag, to become temple president.

In Minneapolis, Satsvarūpa Mahārāja talked to me about you as he sat in my room one rainy afternoon. He was the first person who gave me personal contact with you through śabda.

ei chay gosāi jār – mui tār dās
tā-sabāra pada-reṇu mora pañca-grās

”I am the servant of that person who is a servant of these Six Gosvāmīs. The dust of their holy feet is my five kinds of foodstuffs.”

One night Priya-bandhu and I went about the brahmacārī āśrama washing devotees’ feet as they slept. Then we drank the water, feeling very clever.

After my initiation ceremony, Ayodhyāpati asked me how I liked the samosās. “What’s a samosā?” I asked. He explained in detail as he fed me one after another.

You explained in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam that one serves the Six Gosvāmīs by serving the spiritual master. Similarly, all of those who are serving you are servants of those Gosvāmīs. I therefore relish the nectar of their association. Verily their foot-dust is our life and soul.

Manusuta taught me to distribute books. I was a bit withdrawn; he made me be bold in your service.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja taught me what it was to be a puppet. Despite disagreements and separation, he taught me that Vaiṣṇava association transcends history, and he made me taste the rasa of relationships.

Then there were Jayatīrtha and Bhagavān, wherever they may be, who, among other things, showed me the pitfalls of spiritual life.

Bhakti-cāru Mahārāja taught me etiquette. Vaiṣṇavas were not “guys” but prabhus. Getting things done did not obviate “how” they should be done.

In England I have found another home in the home of ISKCON.

Akhaṇḍadhī Prabhu inspired me to take up the fighting spirit that you had always inculcated in your followers. He challenged me, “The GBC should be leading the campaign to save the Manor.” Through his dedication I found service to Rādhā-Gokulānanda.

Bhāgavatāśraya is my well-wishing critic, always careful for my sannyāsa. He took responsibility for Rādhā-Londonīśvara and expanded book distribution, whilst adjusting to the advice of his own well-meaning critics.

Balabhadra insisted that the real relationships were more binding than rules and formalities. He offered his perspective with simple logic while showing how to worship the Lord with devotion.

Keśava Bhārati is my friend, although some think I favor him unnecessarily. Through him I have seen what it means to stick to ISKCON despite personal problems.

There are God brothers and God sisters too numerous to mention here. Some chastise me, others criticize, and a few encourage. Then is the ensuing generation of devotees, as well as disciples, and in toto they comprise my family of Vaiṣṇava relations. Whatever the exchange, critical or loving, angry or submissive, it is all sweet. In these last years I have learned that connection with devotees is the essence, in whatever form it may take, for it is you who are chastising, correcting, testing, and giving reward.

tāndera caraṇa sebi bhakta-sane bās
janame janame hoy ei abhilāṣ

”This is my desire: birth after birth may I live with those devotees who serve the lotus feet of these Six Gosvāmīs.”

At the Ratha-yātrā of 1987, Kṛpamaya led a long kīrtana well into the night. It was one of those kīrtanas that made my heart dance. In the midst of countless Vaiṣṇavas we danced in ecstasy, with our arms above our heads, to the sound of the holy name. Young devotees, old devotees – all designations and disagreements dissolved as together we tasted the Holy names with smiles on our faces. No words needed to be exchanged; everything was clear in the brilliant sunlight of the kīrtana. This is the essence of all relationships. Dancing and chanting in the ecstasy of the Holy name. When we sang “Nāma-saěkīrtana” my heart echoed incessantly. I could think of nothing else. “Certainly,” I thought, “I will always live in the association of Vaiṣṇavas.”

ei chay gosāi jabe braje koilā bās
rādhā-kṛṣṇa-nitya-līlā korilā prakāś

”When these Six Gosvāmīs lived in Vraja, they revealed and explained the eternal pastimes of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa.”

Śrīla Prabhupāda, you have revealed the Absolute Truth, but it is not dry or dogmatic, a set of formulas or rules to follow. Kṛṣṇa consciousness is such a unique experience, and the means of relishing it – namely, glorifying Kṛṣṇa in the association of Vaiṣṇavas – is a lure too irresistible to ignore and too sweet to resist.

I wanted to glorify you, but it came out this way. Śrīla Prabhupāda, all these Vaiṣṇavas are your representatives. Through them I have learnt from you. As they are great, you are the greatest, for you have created them all. As such you are the real Vaiṣṇava whom we all try to emulate, and you are the real friend that we are searching for. In searching you out after your disappearance, I found your devotees, and through them I am learning one way of appreciating you.

ānande bolo hari bhaja bṛndabān
śrī-guru-vaiṣṇaba-pade majāiyā man
śrī-guru-vaiṣṇaba-pāda-padma kori āś
nāma-saěkīrtana kohe narottama dās

”Absorbing your mind in meditation upon the divine feet of the spiritual master and the holy Vaiṣṇavas, chant the names of Lord Hari in ecstasy, and worship the transcendental realm of Vṛndāvana. Desiring the lotus feet of Śrī Guru and the Vaiṣṇavas, Narottama dāsa sings the saěkīrtana of the Holy name.”

Now assembled worldwide, all of these devotees are worshiping you. Collectively they are called the International Society for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. Thank you for this kindness – the worldwide organization of pure devotees. If I have made a little advancement in my fifteen years, I can see it in my love for your ISKCON.

These servants of yours are more dear to me than my life. By serving them, I feel that I am serving you. Whether I am in this world or some other, material or spiritual, is not of great concern. Śrīla Prabhupāda, since you are the most munificent Vaiṣṇava, please offer me your blessings. By your well-wishes, all obstacles in spiritual life may be overcome. I am unqualified by my service; still I humbly place two requests at your lotus feet: First, please never let me leave association of all those devotees whom I have learned to love. By whatever means required, please keep me as a servant in any capacity in your wonderful ISKCON. Second, sometimes in the course of preaching, some things are said or done by me which displease others. In my efforts to please you, please protect me from my wicked mind and false ego so that as I discharge my responsibilities, I may avoid committing offenses at the lotus feet of any devotee.

tāndera caraṇa sebi bhakta-sane bās
janame janame hoy ei abhilāṣ

”This is my desire: birth after birth may I live with those devotees who serve the lotus feet of these Six Gosvāmīs.”

I hope this offering meets with your favor. I have many more things to say, but I will end here.

Your servant,
Śivarāma Swami